whitedove01s: (Default)



A bunch of the questions made no sense to me, as 1: I don't drink (bar-related questions, etc) and 2: I haven't had a working TV in years, and don't recognize half the shows mentioned in other questions. (I can watch videos, that's it... And only in the living room, with Karen... so... *shrugs*)

Also, I think more the latter than the former, as I didn't like Clinton (frell, I don't like polititians period... whoever wins, we lose); I don't want anything to do with groups like Planned Parenthood; and I probably WOULD enjoy either an ecology group meeting (tho maybe not PETA... I'm a carnivore)... or getting in touch with the SCA...

Y'know, maybe that latter wouldn't be half bad. Most of the skills I have went out of date centuries ago... Do they pay people to do needlepoint and sew?
whitedove01s: (Default)
Yeah, yeah... no entries, no nothin for a while... Why? Cause I've been fighting a BAD patch of depression. The last time I was this ^$%$&ed up was before my nervous breakdown in high school...

My chocolate stash is GONE except for a couple easter bunny turtles I'd been saving, a hollow egg, and a 10-pack of crunch bars.

I spent 8 hours a few days back staring at the back of a pillow, laying in bed, just completely lacking the slight bit of enthusiasm nessasary to bother getting out of bed.

Today isn't much better...

I've been playing a little more UO, been trying to work more on writing... but... it's hard to do anything when you can clearly see you're getting NOWHERE...

I mean, my job's 4 hours a week... I did NOT ask for these hours, they came about because I reported the manager for sexual harassment. Between that and certain other things, going to work at all is a stressful thing I could do without. I'd just plain quit, but 4 hours is better than no hours budgetwise... and any other place I've put in an application didn't call back, even tho I stayed offline during buisness hours to let em. I've given up on doing that, as it's obvious by now nobody else has any intention of hiring me... I think filing a complaint got me blacklisted somehow.

I'm in a single-wide trailer, on food stamps, and having to put up with Karen (my mother)... and I do NOT get along with her well. Put short, I no longer have a home, just my room, with the door locked... Just like out on the farm, except no trees to escape to here.

And there's no way out. I can't get rid of her, partly because of family obligation and partly cause it's her monthly check that's paying the bills. Getting a better job has netted nothing. Going back to school would be a joke, as WV does not offer any improvement in employment options for higher education. The last person I met around here who'd gone to college was last seen working a supermarket register. All school would net me is another bill, and I need that like I need another hole in my head.

I can't afford to move. Heck, I can't afford to file bankrupt (that costs $500, btw). Not that I need to do the latter... all there are are the monthly utility bills (I count internet as a utility), and my UO and server costs... We don't even have cable TV, and my car and the trailer and lot are paid for.

My car's taken a lot of damage lately too, due to several factors (no, not an accident... vandalism). If it goes, I can't afford another one.

And if it doesn't... as long as we still get food stamps basically things can just drag on like this indefinately... I don't know how to get out of it. That's what gets to me the most... the feeling that it's never going to get better... and having the facts back that up.

I don't want this to be the rest of my life. I want a farm, and trees... an orchard... and some fluffy lil sheep... and maybe a pony. I want to grow my own food, and not have to see a paved road unless I have to make a trip into town for something.

I just want this all to go away, and it won't... and I don't know what to do to change it. And the more depressed I get, the less I CAN do, even regarding everyday things. That's the thing about depression, you can't even find the will to move because it just doesn't matter.

I can't even try to do something creative like write and try to publish a book (the only idea to come to mind, regarding the Moonstone stories, btw)... because when I'm like this I just can't write, except simming and editing, because I don't have to think for that.

Heck, simming would be a good thing, but it seems my schedule's too messed up and I keep missing Mark entirely. I'd welcome even a goof off sim. I forget my own problems when I have that to distract me. But the last really good goof off sims went away with the Padded Cell's Saturday Cellchat, which never happens anymore, for reasons I don't know. So much for what joke of a social life I had. If they do anything like that at the Hangar I wouldn't know. I was never invited.

You think I'd be used to it by now...

When people do remember I exist I almost feel I should adopt an Eeyore quote as a tagline... "Thanks for noticing me." But, more often than it I just get left behind, and no explanations given. Like with Chaser... I never found out why she dropped Alliance and quit talking to me.

Or a lot of the people I used to talk to. Granted, some of those were probably put off while I was talking to Moonscream, but I don't talk to her anymore (and I at least gave reason why...)

I guess I have an odd codependant streak... or I would, except there's never anyone to talk to... And I'm pretty much babbling at random in here now...

*sigh* Someone needs a hot soaky bath, a good book, and a mug of cocoa.... and for once, I don't mean BW Rampage.

I wonder why the Cellchats stopped. Was there a reason? Or did opening them just get forgotten?

People I no longer hear from and don't know why: Stel, Sciz, 'Chaser, Shadowlancer, Zobovor, Jazzy, Xand, Baron, Gemini, Icy ... oh forget it, I'd never remember the whole list by now... Where do people go to when they disappear? I guess they have real lives. I doubt I'm allowed one.

I'd better go ahead and cut this short for now. I just keep rambling in it just to type...
whitedove01s: (Default)
Just been somewhat disconnected. Assorted scheduling problems mean I'm having to stay up days this week, which means I'm up from about 7am to around 10 pm or so. :P Nothin I can do about it, and I'm technically supposed to stay offline durin the day for job calls, but... today I said screw it. They're not calling anyway.

I am aslo pretty much outta Dew except for an emergency 2-liter bottle, so had to cut way back on that, which is leaving me loggy. Also, RPGMaker has pretty much hijacked my brain, and other than winterizing the trailer and various other things, I haven't gotten much Alliance stuff done. Maybe I can break outta that and get back to editing in a bit.

I also oughtta work on the original base map now that we have a list done up of who was assigned to Alliance Base during the first week...

I ought to do SOMETHING at least, if I could settle in and decide on what. And not get interrupted every ten minutes... :P
whitedove01s: (Default)
Got another fic edited and on the board... still needs a title. Anyhow, this one's been turned loose WAY out of chronological order, as it's from 2012... but since it's a short scene with mostly Mirage, Hound, and Trailbreaker, it shouldn't be too confusing even with the timeline skip.

Anyhow, it can be found here:

http://go.ezboard.com/ftransformersalliancefrm3.showMessage?topicID=27.topic

Oh well. Work tommorow, so I can only stay up a li over two more hours at the most. :P But if I'm lucky maybe I can get back in a writy mood tommorow after work. (still same crappy 4-hours-a-week job)

Mirage needed a pet. Really he did...

*sigh*

Sep. 16th, 2004 01:15 am
whitedove01s: (Default)
Well, nothin much today...

Had to run Karen to the library, so at least got to go over their sale rack and get a few new books to read.

Also, luckily, found another place to put in a job application... at a video store in Poca. Bit of a drive, but...

Anyhow, also gave in and lanced that damn blister/abcess whatever that had formed near a bad jawtooth with a sewing pin... I hate being unable to afford to go to a dentist, not to mention having a genetic predisposition towards bad teeth from my dad's side of the family...

Unfortunatly, now I feel kinda queasy as a result. Hope I don puke...

It'd been like that almost a month... I'm hopin doin somethin drastic like this instead of waiting for the damn thing to go down might do somethin about the way I've been feelin lately. So far, not an improvement - now I'm tired and nauseous.

It's not like I'm even sure that has anything to do with how I've felt. For all I know, that could be from another bad patch of depression. But, since I can't find my blasted thermometer to check my tempreture and see if I'm runnin a fever... might as well...
whitedove01s: (Default)
I slept through it, that's what. Went to bed in the early AM with a bit of a headache... and when I woke up the clock said it was about 3 or so. Silly me, I thought this was 3pm on Wednesday... Wrong.

3am, Thursday. Whoa. Anyhow, had to go do a lot of running around, and driving and picking up things, etc... so was out and about till noon.

Biggest bummer of the day - the hiring sign at Save-A-Lots was down... and that's the ONLY place I know of in my driving range that was hiring. :P

Anyhow, got home, had a sandwich... and I already feel really sleepy again. :P I may have to just give up and lay back down in a while... darn if I know what's wrong. :P

But, before I do... here's a spoiler and plotbunny laced timeline cheatsheet for the early parts of Alliance, up to our current reworking point...

On Website or On Board should be obvious if you're familiar with Alliance. Plotbunny should be a familiar term as well. Onstage means it's in the list of ones that scenes are being done for at some point or other, and Editing Room means the script version is complete but it needs to be converted to prose.
---------------
BW AU, PRE-SERIES

????-??-??
Descent: The Protoform Project
On Website

????-??-??
Descent: The Stranger
On Website

????-??-??
Descent: Don't Touch That Dial
On Website

????-??-??
Descent: Turn up the Volume (And Yank Off The Knob)
On Website

????-??-??
Descent: It's not Delivery, it's da Maxies
On Website

????-??-??
?????????? (rest of Descent)
Plotbunny
----------------------------------
BW AU, SEASON 1

????-??-??
??????????
(Add Canon eps, explain Shadow Panther, Packrat, and K-9)Plotbunny
----------------------------------
BW AU, SEASON 2 (note, may not be in proper order yet)

????-??-??
(Pred Aftermath Plotbunny)
Plotbunny

????-??-??
?????????
(Add Canon eps, Gate tech SL, events before and after CoH)
Plotbunny

????-??-??
Graveside
On Website
---------------
PREHISTORY/PRE-ARK HISTORY (note, may not be in proper order yet)

????-??-??
The Survivor - Introduction
On Website

????-??-??
The Survivor - The Cage
On Website

????-??-??
The Survivor - Welcome to the Jungle
On Website

????-??-??
The Survivor - Only the Fierce
On Website

????-??-??
??????????
(Cultural Exchange pt 1)
Editing Room

????-??-??
??????????
(Other parts of CE)
Plotbunny

????-??-??
Hawks and Doves
Plotbunny

????-??-??
??????????
(slip in some comic continuity State Games and etc? Divide timeline by command? Autocracy; Council/Megs)
Plotbunny

????-??-??
???????????
(Story based on pre-dirt nap sections of MTMTE)
Plotbunny
---------------
HOMEWORLD
????-??-??
??????????
(slip in some comic continuity to explain Trannis, Straxus, the Wreckers, etc. Divide timeline by command? Council; Trannis; Straxus)
Plotbunny
---------------
EARTHFORCE (note, may not be in proper order yet)
1984-??-??
Awakening (Corresponds to MTMTE and Issue 1-2 ("Transformers")of the comics)
Plotbunny

1984-??-??
Power Play (second part MTMTE + UK 3-4)
Plotbunny

1984-??-??
??????????
(third part MTMTE)
Plotbunny

1984-??-??
Stowaway
Plotbunny

1984-??-??
Children
Done, On Board

1984-??-??
??????????
(Dinos 2)
Onstage

????-??-??
??????????
(Yellow Plotbunny)
Plotbunny

????-??-??
??????????
(Masquerade Scenelet)
Done, On Board

1989-??-??
??????????
(Green Bunny 1)
Editing Room

1999-??-??
??????????
(Green Bunny 2)
Plotbunny
---------------
MOVIE+SEASON3

2005-10-05/06
Visions of Death - Omen
On Website

2005-10-06
The Survivor - Friend Find, Look Behind
On Website

2005-10-07
The Survivor - I Don't Mean To Rhyme All The Time
On Website

2005-12-09
(Firecon Origin)
Plotbunny

2006-10-??
??????????
(Huntress pt 1)
Plotbunny

2007-01-07
Outrace the Past
On Website

2007-05-14/15
??????????
(Huntress pt 2)
Done, On Board

2007-08-18
??????????
(Huntress pt 3)
Editing Room

2007-09-22
??????????
(Huntress pt 4)
Done, On Board

2007-11-25
??????????
(Huntress pt 5)
Done, On Board

2007-11-27/28
Visions of Death - Lament
On Website
---------------
ALLIANCE 2007
2007-11-30 to 2007-12-20
Enemy Territory
Onstage

2007-12-25 to 2007-12-31
??????????
Editing Room

2007-12-31
Reunions
Editing Room
---------------
ALLIANCE 2008
2008-01-01
Reunions
Editing Room

2008-01-01
?????????? (Wheelie's rhymes)
Editing Room

2008-01-??
?????????? (Loose ends with Windrazor?)
Plotbunny

2008-01-??
?????????? (Technos and Dinos)
Plotbunny

2008-01-04
??????????
Editing Room

2008-01-06
??????????
Onstage

2008-01-12 to 2008-02-01
The Price
Onstage

2008-02-09
?????????? (Troop recall)
Plotbunny

2008-??-?? to 2008-02-19(?)
Crash Course (Stunties in Driver's Ed)
Editing Room

2008-02-20
Captured Favors
Editing Room

2008-02-28
?????????? (Misty)
Editing Room

2008-03-09
War Orphans
On Website

2008-03-09 to 2008-03-30
?????????? (Build Team vs Structies)
Plotbunny

2008-03-30
??????????
(Build Team vs Structies)
Plotbunny

2008-??-??
?????????? (Explosive Plotbunny)
Plotbunny

2008-05-10
?????????? (Neo-Galvy)
Onstage

2008-05-11
Killing Ground (Gateways, pt 1)
Onstage

2008-05-12
Stray Cat
Plotbunny

2008-05-13
Through The Gate
Plotbunny (being thickened into series)
Onstage
-----------------------------
And on that note I think I may just give up and sleep... If there's any of these you'd like more info on, just ask

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